The Joker
by Shekron Kaizar
Summary: My first Fanfic
1. Valenstein

**Disclaimer: You know already!**

**This was the first fanfic that I ever wrote. I decided to re-write it from the beginning because I still believe it can be refined to reach a new level of brilliance. Whenever I look at the storyline, I also get goose-pimples. It remains one of my most beloved stories.**

**It takes place before they fight Trigon and after Terra was frozen in carbonite.**

Starfire yawns and walks out of her room to discover that the whole place is covered with weird shaped red cardboard and other decorations. Silkie promptly begins to chew on some.

"Hey Starfire! Could you tie the other end to that lamp?" calls Robin, climbing amongst the rooftops, securing streamers and a large sign.

"Certainly" she says and flies up to tie the other end.

"I really wish I could do that!" says Robin, and lowers himself to the floor by rope.

Starfire twists her lips and reads the sign. "Val-en-teens-day?"

"Valentines day Star!" calls Cyborg, with a letter concealed behind his back.

"What's that Cyborg?" asks Robin. Cyborg hesitates and tries to hide it. "Oh!" says Robin, getting the gist, "Cyborg has a Valentine sweetheart?" he says in a teasing tone.

"Val-en-tin… Violent-time…" continues Starfire.

"It's not a valentine." argues Cyborg.

"Then why's it in pink?" says Robin.

"I… I like pink!"

"You haven't been wearing that apron again have you?"

"It's none of your ear-waxy business!" calls Cyborg, blushing.

"Oh, go and send your sweet salutations you lovesick tin-man!" teases Robin and Cyborg grumbles and heads out to post his letter.

"What is Vaulentines day Robin?" asks Starfire.

"It's an earth custom Star. Sort of a… celebration for… err… um… love (He speeds that word), friendship and stuff." says Robin, not feeling that comfortable talking about it.

"Oh; a festival of friendship and for comradeship. So what are those weird shaped things in the air?"

"Hearts."

"Aahh!"

"No, no! Their just symbols of… err… love."

"You symbolise love by stereotyping your respiratory organs?"

"It's an earth custom."

"Happy Valentines Day everyone! And good riddance." says Raven, walking out with a magicians hat and carrying some boxes of magic tricks.

"This is all in aid of Valencetines day?" asks Starfire.

"Actually, we just accepted to hosting a special tour of the tower to some heart patient children" says Robin, while Raven slams down the boxes and ruthlessly unpacks. "We just want to get everything in theme."

"That is nice." replies Starfire. "But Raven does not seem to be very happy or joyous of the occasion. I would not think this Valeentins day would suit her… style."

"Love and hate, love and hate, love and hate…" mumbles Raven, putting out the equiptment with gusto.

"I managed to bribe her to performing some magic tricks for the kids." whispers Robin to Starfire, and they walk away to leave Raven to her tantrum. "I offered her the new "Decapitation" c.d., "Headless Chickens" for her to do it. It's a really hard music to come by. It's banned in several states." (The cover picture of CD makes Starfire rather sick)

…

"Ok Cyborg, just put one… foot… in front… of the other" says the biomechanical collosus, walking drearily to a large (apparently abandoned) warehouse. He sticks the note in the door and hurries behind a bush.

A large mechanical eye with a laser beam strapped on pops out and scans the area. Cyborg turns on a cloaking mechanism and watches.

"How do you expect our hideout to be secret if you have that thing popping out at everyone who walks bye?" yells Jinx as she opens the door.

"Our hideout is still secret isn't it?" calls Gizmo, and the eye retracts.

"Your utterly hopeless you dweeb!" yells Jinx and she surveys the doorway, but the letter is too high up. She closes the door.

Cyborg tiptoes out and puts the letter at eye level and rushes to the bushes again. The eye pops out and scans. Jinx pops out and slaps the eye while completely oblivious to the letter and closes the door.

"Good grief!" says Cyborg, He rushes out and sticks it at eye level on a stick and right where she can't miss it. He hides again.

The laser eye pops out, sees the letter and disintegrates it.

"Argh!" yells Cyborg in frustration.

"Now you've done it you quack!" yells Jinx, and Cyborg quickly hides again.

"Don't yell at me! It did what it was supposed to do!" yells Gizmo.

Jinx pops out and sees a little pile of ash. She destroys the eye with a wave of pink electrickery. "Don't you think the laser's a tad strong? There's hardly anything left!"

"It isn't strong, it was probably a bird or a rat or a kitten!"

"You are one sick little man!" and she slams the door.

Cyborg groans and rushes out to see the remnants of his Valentine. He gets some new pink paper and hurriedly scribbles on it.

"Now I'll have to fix my eye!" yells Gizmo and steps out to see Cyborg with his note and pen. There is an awkward silence. "Oh… you…"

Cyborg runs away as bolts and lasers, missiles and exploding chickens are sent flying at him. He didn't have time to write down Jinx's name on the note.

"Oh, well. They'll obviously know it's for her!" Cyborg thinks as he gets out of range. Then he cringes. "At least I hope so!" and makes a sick face.

However Gizmo doesn't see the letter as he closes the door (being preoccupied with trying to destroy Cyborg.) And as Cyborg ran, he doesn't notice a small bugging device planted on him by one of Gizmo's missiles.

"Who on earth was that?" calls Jinx.

"It was the Cybore! It's time to move!" says Gizmo.

"And I just got my weights in!" moans Mammoth. "Oh man!"

"Cyborg…" mutters Jinx. "If only you were a despicable and notorious criminal mastermind!" she sighs. (And the view pans to her daydreaming she had in the episode 'Deception' of Cyborg as her boyfriend… except with an added patch eye and hook for effect.)

…

Starfire looks over some piles red cardboard and ponders. "I think I'll need some more paper." she mutters, and Raven overhears.

"Sending a really big Valentine are you?" she comments.

"No, I just need enough cardboard for you, Robin, Beastboy, Cyborg, Aqualad, Mas, Menos, Speedy and Bumblebee."

"…" goes Raven.

"Valentines are only meant for special, special friends Starfire!" says Robin, popping from behind the coach. "For people you… err… really… are friends with… really good friends…" he stammers.

"Wow, you're more uncomfortable today than I Am." comments Raven with a smirk.

"Oh, so it's not really friendship, so much as… um love?" blushes Starfire, starting to see where the discussion is heading.

"Well love is just really a really good friendship isn't it, just, really gooder."

"Gooder? Man you're really stressed out!" smiles the Raven.

Robin glares at her "Don't you have a magic act to rehearse?"

"Don't you have a Valentine card to be spying at?"

"I wasn't spying!" bursts Robin, unconvincingly. "I was just… just making sure Starfire was heading the right way… In fact I'll just head off now… to my room… now, for no reason in particular." he says and starts backing towards his room.

"I'm also going to my room for no apparent reason…. also…" says Starfire and both head to their rooms and close the door. (Sound effects of scissors, sticky tape and wrapping)

"Well, if that wasn't obvious" comments Raven, and pulls out a white bunny from her hat. It attacks her. "DAMN IT! GET BACK TO CAER BANNOR WHERE YOU BELONG!"

…

Meanwhile, in the tower's east wing, large crates of belongings are stacked from the arrival of refugees…

"So you're just going to wait there?" says Bumblebee, folding her arms.

"Yep." replies Aqualad. "I'm so popular with these above water girls that I don't need to send, I get _sent_." and he yawns as he stretches on the couch. "No worries. By the end of today I'll be swimming in cards of love."

"You should really go soak your head!" she groans, "Well, at least your not as bad as 'cupid' over there!" and she scans over to Speedy who is firing heart tipped arrows at a poster of a badly drawn stick figure with a dress. "Suffering saints! What's got into you?"

Speedy grumbles as he sits and shoots casually. Mas and Menos roll in.

"Dumpay!" says Menos.

"Dumpee!" says Mas

"DUM-PED" (Together)

"You know, you won't get many other takers if you keep treating them like that!" Bumblebee points out.

"She didn't even give a good reason!" says Speedy sulkily. "_'Your not my type'_ isn't exactly that informative."

"C'mon 'cupid' there's plenty more fish in the sea." says Aqualad.

"Stop calling me cupid!" says Speedy, truly annoyed." There is no way I am getting into that suit! Why not someone else?"

"Because you're the only one who can shoot a bow, without causing serious injury!" says Bumblebee, "Remember Menos?"

Mas rubs his behind and grimaces. Menos giggles and they both fight.

"It was Robin that got us into this mess, why can't their lot do the show themselves?" grumbles Speedy.

Bumblebee gives him a 'bad-eye' and glares "_Because_ the tour is of the whole tower, _because_ the West Titans were kind enough to give us this place since Cinderblock destroyed Titan's East, _because_ were really just guests to this place, _because_ performing in front of those children will be really good and it's a lot better than firing arrows at a poster of a circle attached to a triangle!"

"So? I'm just not good at drawing…" he grumbles.

(Knock, knock)

"Come in" calls Bumblebee.

"Go away" calls Speedy.

(Awkward silence)

Bee slaps Speedy on the head. "Come in!" She calls and Starfire enters. Aqualad tries to look un-suspecting.

"Hello everyone." she says and Mas and Menos roll across the floor still fighting. "I was wondering if I can borrow some gold coloured pens for no apparent reason, and especially not because I'm planning to give a Valonstein to anyone, particularly not Robin…"

(All stare at Starfire awkwardly)

"What's a Valonstein?" whispers Speedy to Bee, in which he receives another slap.

"Riiight." says Bee finally. "I think I have two. I'll just get them for you." and she heads to her room.

Silkie bounds in and follows Bee.

"Why hello there little squishy one." she says to the grub.

"I think he really likes you because you resemble a large insectoid." comments Starfire.

"He's just like a little puppy." says Bee and looks through to find two gold pens. "Here you, oops." and one drops and rolls out the door.

"That's okay Bumblebee, I'll pick it up on my way out." says Starfire.

"Hey! Wait a sec!" says Bee, and she bends down to talk to Silkie. "I just want to try this one trick. Go get the pen Silkie! The pen! Go on!"

Silkie apparently understands and goes after it.

"Okay. Thank you Bumblebee, you are a real caring K'norfka!" says Starfire.

"As long as that's a compliment, thanks!"

…

Silkie bounds after the pen, but it is knocked out of the east wing by Mas and Menos. Still determined, he sets after it.

The pen rolls and is stepped on by Raven, who is trying to juggle pies with her mind. The results are as expected…

"That's just a touch annoying" she mutters on the ground under a layer of whipped cream.

The pen goes out an open window and hits one of two squirrels on the head. The injured one thinks it was his companion and an acorn fight occurs. One acorn is sent onto the road.

It bounces on the roof of a car, then another and another as traffic flows and soon rolls off.

A fate destined car hits the acorn at such an angle it is sent flying a great distance to hit a construction worker on the head, making him misjudge his machinery, sending his wrecking ball hurtling at the warehouse Jinx, Mammoth and Gizmo are evacuating.

The force of the ball sweeps the note from Cyborg into the air. Jinx looks outside and naturally sees nothing, closing the door just as the letter floats down and the wrecking ball swings back to catch it.

An unwary pigeon flies for its life as the ball and chain swing in its direction, and manages to catch the letter in its claws, holding onto it out of sheer fright. Flying a reasonable distance it takes notice of what it picked up, tries to eat it, and then drops it in dissapointment.

The letter hits one of two badly bruised squirrels. The injured one thinks it was his companion and an acorn fight occurs, the letter is sent floating towards a gold pen, where it slides right into the lid's peg. Silkie finds the pen and carries it back to Bee.

"Very good Silkie, but you sure took your time!" says Bee and she picks the pen and the letter. "What's this? It's from Cyborg… Hmm…" and she begins to read.

…

Raven takes a break from practice and takes a good hour of meditation on her driving force. The only thing that kept her going throughout this Valentines day…

"_Headless chickens, headless chickens, headless chickens…"_

A lot of sound comes from Starfire's room, particularly ripping cardboard and moans.

"I hope she's not attacking the curtains again…" Raven mutters and decides to help her friend out. Raven goes in and Starfire gets a surprise and blushes as she tries to hide a whole mountain of torn up red and pink paper.

"Oh, hello friend Raven." she says, "I'm just finding all this red, um, confetti for more decorations. It's amazing how much red paper you can find if you just look!"

"Don't worry Star; your secret is safe with me." Raven assures. "If it's secret at all…" she says in her mind.

"What secret may that be?"

"You really like him don't you?"

"How can you tell?"

"Well I am psychic you know."

Starfire sighs and moans. "I never knew card assembly could be so complex! Trying to articulate everything you want to state, and remain keep the card looking as well good."

Raven sympathizes. "C'mon Star, Robin will like your Valentine even if it looks bad, heck, he'll like your Valentine even if it was a piece of red cardboard in the shape of a triangle!"

"You really think so?"

"I'm quite sure. What does it look like anyway?"

Starfire shows an odd shaped piece of red cardboard that makes Raven raise a few eyebrows.

"Um…" says Raven hesitantly, "Isn't that in the shape of a…"

"A brain." says Starfire enthusiastically. "As some say their heart goes into cardiac when in the presence of someone you l… are special to, my head spins a bit when I think of Robin. Hence I have my card in the shape of a humanoid brain out of its casing."

"Okay…" grimaces Raven.

"I even added some headless birds as they seem to be appealing to your culture. I was also thinking of decapitated…"

"I think." says Raven. "I think we need to go over your presentation!"

…

Robin is having some literary problems.

"Dearest… dear… friend… friend Starfire." he ponders and writes. "Happy… joyful… lovely… good… that's good, good valentine's day."

…

Aqualad looks around at the decorations. "You know!" he says, feeling the streamers. "This reminds me a lot of the seas! These streamers are like seaweed and those hearts are sort of like angel fish… except… with their fins cut off, and being suspended by fishing line…" he laughed nervously. "A-and the seaweed is dry… red as blood… and…(gulp) dead… … … I think I'll go to my room for a while!"

…

"Cyborg sent me a Valentine… I don't believe it!" mumbles Bee, sitting down in shock. "I mean I respect him and all that, but… Cyborg sent me a valentine? I don't believe it!"

"And why are you talking to me about this?" says Speedy, busy shooting his pencils at the arrow riddled poster.

"Because I don't think I can really tell his 'closer' friends about it, and you appear to be the only one that isn't really too obsessed with Valentines Day."

"What makes you say that?" he remarks and manages to shoot himself between the eyes as an eraser miss-fired.

"Well, that! And you won't put on that cupid outfit I made you!"

"No sane person would wear that outfit you made!"

"Menos wore it!"

"My point proven!"

"But what am I meant to do!" she moaned. "Send one to him? A valentine? What should I say? Oh dear Oh dear Oh dear!

"Oh dear?" says Speedy. "You're worse than I thought! What did the letter say anyway?"

Bee hands him the letter.

"Wow! He must really, really like you! He must have had to use spell-check five times for some of these words!"

"Yeah! He's really sweet isn't he…" sighed Bee. Speedy gives her an awkward stare. "Not that I'm interested or anything!" she spouts.

"Not assuming anything, but obviously you two have something or rather between you. I suggest you let him know you feel the same."

"What!"

"Assuming of course…"

"Of course…" (And the view pans to daydreaming not unlike Jinx's shown before. But with a scarab beetle outfit for effect.)

…

Mammoth pulls a large trunk along the ground towards the moving machine Gizmo set up, the dirt scraping the dust clouds and the trunk's case fraying on the road. Gizmo's eyes almost pop out.

"Argh you woolly knitted elephant!" he almost screams. "That's my very delicate Valentine's day chemical weapon!"

"A what?" replied Mammoth and he drops the trunk with a large thud.

"AAAAAAA!" Gizmo screams and opens the trunk, but revealing everything intact. He sighs in relief then stares at Mammoth angrily. "This chemical has hallucinating properties that took many painstaking experiments to perfect. And YOU almost unleashed it upon us! Once this baby blows, the whole city will be in total mayhem and Valentine's Day will be ruined! Hahaha! That'll show the city who's the greatest criminal mastermind!"

"What does it do?" says Jinx prodding the bomb. "Does it eat skin? Cause blindness? Aggravate BIO?"

"Oh, something much, much more cruel! Hahahahaha!"

…

Cyborg whistles happily as he cleans his junk. There's a knock on the door.

"Come in and don't touch the static chargers!" Cyborg calls.

"Helloo Cy!" says Bee in a very happy tone. "I have some honey waffles made up if you want some?" and she holds a rather large tray of steaming waffles.

"WAFFLES!" exclaims Cyborg, jumping to the occasion. "Thankyou VERY, VERY, VERY much!" and he promptly scoffs the pan.

"Why, thanks…." she smiles, then pulls an expression of shock. "You Walloping Yogi Bear! You just ate the note!"

"Note? You put a note in the waffles? What kind of an assassin are you?"

"Aren't you going to spit it out or something? It was cardboard!"

"Aha!" exclaims Cyborg triumphantly, "Ever since my stomach went haywire (episode 'Crash') I've made modifications!" and he opens up his stomach panel. "Viola, my very own; patented food sorting system! Dairy, meats, fruits and veggies, plastics, metals… and there we are… paper!"

"P-please… close up!" says Bee, not finding digesting food very awe inspiring.

"Sorry!" says Cyborg. "But didn't you see the waffles?"

"I wish I didn't! But did _you_ see the note!"

"Just a sec." says Cyborg and he looks up as if thinking of something.

"You mean you can see what's inside your stomach just by thinking?"

"Nano technology. Pretty neat huh!"

"Very neat indeed!" says Gizmo, some several miles away, receiving from his bugging radar device. "You're not the only one that has access to nano tech! Let's see the weaknesses of that tower you call home!"

"I wonder what secret information was in that note?" wonders Mammoth.

"Probably nothing that important." says Jinx. "Bank fees, telephone bills, IOU's? Something like th…"

"A Valentine?" cries Cyborg, greatly shocked.

"A VALENTINE?" cries Jinx, greatly shocked. Mammoth and Gizmo cower in her wrath.

Bee gives Cyborg a kiss on the cybernetics on his head and walks out with a tray with bite marks. Jinx is rasping in great malice.

"GIZMO!" she bellows out.

"Y… yes maam."

"How long before that bomb is ready?"

"A… any time. But it has to be from a relatively tall building to have maximum effect an…"

"We attack the tower!" demands Jinx.

"Err… which tower?" says Mammoth dumbfounded, "There's like police on every roof for the Valentine's day parade and all."

"We attack the Teen Titan's Tower! No police! Just that rusting bucket of trash, a wasp and several undergrade superheroes!"

Gizmo almost falls off his seat. In fact he and the seat both fall over.

"Don't you remember what happened last time?" yells Gizmo. "Are you insane? And this time there is only the three of us!"

"I want every weakness that bug can find used to our advantage!" says Jinx with flame spouting, sending Gizmo into a corner. Mammoth is too slow and gets fried "I want everything we have up-on and operational for battle! THIS MEANS WAR!"

…

"They're almost here" says Raven. "The sooner their here, the sooner they'll leave."

Robin appears nervous and rather disorientated with a pink note in his hand. Starfire is happy and rather confidant.

"Any Valentines should be opened and read now before the show starts." says Robin to everyone. "Many of these kids are devoted fans, and despite their loyalty may be prone to reading information that should be confidential. Therefore…"

"They're here!" yells Menos.

Robin speed talks. "Read it now and lock it up. We won't finish probably until late so read!"

Robin quivers as he hands Starfire his card, Starfire does likewise.

"_Friend Starfire, good Valentine's day. You are really good and good to have around. I am good that you're with us and that your good is very good. EoMe Robin."_

"Does that say From or Love at the end?" asks Starfire.

"L… Fr… L… I can't remember…" he replies lamely, as nervous as a mouse.

Starfire is happy all the same and gives him a quick hug. "Are you going to read my letter?" she says.

"Of course." says Robin, regaining some confidence. "It… It's all in Tamarian."

"I thought about this Vaultinines day and thought that it would be best for me to express myself in my own language which I know better of to communicate what I think of you. You may be able to read it if you learn my language though, but that may take some years of…"

"I can read Tamarian!" says Cyborg.

"Y… You can!" says Starfire, very distressed and blushing.

"Sure. When we were over there I uploaded some old books and deciphered them. I haven't had much practice speaking it, but my scanner here can read it like lightning!"

"Actually Robin! I think I over stated my feelings in that Card." says Starfire, trying desperately to regain her letter "Maybe you would prefer this one!"

"Why is it in the shape of a brain?" says Robin warily, "And why are there headless chickens on the …"

"Who knows?" says Cyborg impatiently and snatches the Valentine from Robin. "Hoo-hah Star! What a way to start a love letter! I wish I had thought of that!"

Robin blushes. "Give that back Cyborg! Private and confidential! Don't you say a word!" and he pulls out a batarang.

"I don't think I should either!"

"Why? What does it say?" says Robin, changing tone.

"Just hand that to me NOW Cyborg!" says Starfire, eyes glowing and face turning red.

Cyborg however does not take this warning to seriously.

"Look at this! '_Your eyes are like…_'"

He would have says like the crescent moons of Gallinaed glowing in an aura of beauty and strength, but Starfires eyes beamed like the solar flares of Vegont with the force and devastation of the Black Hole of Urktish. Consequently Cyborg is thrown through the room and into Raven who is preparing some spinning plates. Black bolts start to emit. Starfire retrieves the letter with little difficulty.

"NO HEADLESS CHICKEN IS WORTH THIS!" cries Raven and Cyborg is blasted off by her aura.

"Actually," says Robin, trying to save his main act. "It also features their number one single '_I Am Decapitated'_"

Raven composes herself and picks the pieces up with her mind. The stage is put in place and the act is ready. All the time concentrating and all the while meditating on one thing, the inspiration to her charity and her only goal keeping her through all these humiliations…

"_I am decapitated, I am decapitated, I am decapitated…"_

Robin lets a sigh of relief and gets the letter from starfire. "I'll decipher it in time." he says and they both smile.

"'_You lazy flathead'? 'I hope you get hooked'?_ What kind of valentines are these?" yells Aqualad reading the few valentines he received. "_'You get what you reap you mud sucker'_? How did they know I never sent any Valentines out?"

"The wonders of modern technology!" says Bee, leaning on a chair in front of a computer.

Mas and Menos are busy reading and dividing their mountain of cards.

"Wait! Here's one from Raven!" says Aqualad. "Good old Raven! _'Enjoy'_? That's almost as heartless as the others…. Oh! That means there's something else in here!" and he opens the envelope. "What's this?"

Speedy peers over, "Calamari."

"AAAAAAAAA!"

…

The kids enter and are greeted by a good show of Starfire's starbolt display and Cyborg's electrical lights. Raven is a hit, disappearing stuff, conjuring stuff, lifting, and throwing, shrinking and exploding stuff. Robin and Speedy perform stunts with arrows and other acrobatics and the others make sure the kids don't wander off into the garage, kitchen or Raven's room which are filled with some dangerous stuff. Mas and Menos have the important job of making sure that nothing goes missing from the rooms as the tour starts.

"This is very good." smiles Starfire. Robin smiles too and gives a kid a 'Robin Mask™'. "I think this earth custom should be held universally."

Raven pulls out the white rabbit dressed in her cape.

"Yeh." says Robin. "Valentoons day is great."

They look at each other and their eyes meet, shimmering green to mysterious white, the human and the Tamarian and a huge robotic arm crashes through the wall to separate them, chaos ensures. Gizmo, in his Broken-heart-bot (In the shape of a broken heart duh!) and breaks it through the wall. Outside, Mammoth, in his own suit, starts climbing the tower, with the defence systems torn to pieces below.

Aqualad and Speedy are quick to get the kids out of the building. Mas and Menos grab two children still wandering in the rooms.

…

"Happy Valentines day everyone." says Gizmo in his loud speaker and uses his arm to sweep Starfire, Robin and Raven into a wall. His other arm tries to swat Bee but misses. Cyborg charges his sonic cannon but is hit by another robot, Jinx, arriving on the scene.

"Jinx!" exclaims Cyborg, a bit shocked.

"That's right you bucket head! You'll pay dearly for what you've done!" she yells and picks him up by his arms and flings him like a fish.

"_This is NOT what I expected!"_ thinks Cyborg, thinking she was referring to his card.

Bee zooms in to help but is clipped badly by Mammoth and soars into a coach.

"You guys must be crazy!" yells Robin, regaining his wits. "You're taking on Titan Tower?"

"Not only taking it!" gloated Mammoth, "We're going to blow it up!" and he laughed.

"You clunk head!" remarked Gizmo. "This isn't an exploding bomb! This is a chemical releaser!"

"Chemical weapons?" says Starfire, getting worried about the kids.

"Yes! Hahaha!" says Gizmo, "A remarkable gas that causes the inhaler to misjudge and disorientate their sense of vision! Simple products of high rupture monoeth…"

"Stop monologing you twit!" yells Jinx, slapping his robot over the head. "How many times have the evil side lost because of talking too much?"

"How many bad guys have lost because the fought each other?" remarks Mammoth as a huge Sonic cannon, Starbolt and mind blast from Raven knocks them back.

"Time to call in the reinforcements." moans Gizmo and activated a receiver.

Dozens of man-sized, tin shaped robots arrive on the scene and start firing small lasers in frenzy. The Titans dive for cover. Mammoth and Gizmo prepare the bomb while Jinx keeps an eye on the battle.

"We have to disable that bomb!" says Robin as lasers start to burn the couch.

"I'd like to see you try." remarked Raven, and a vase explodes.

"The receiver is on gizmo's robot." yells Cyborg, trying to be heard over the lasers. "It's sort of a remote control! If you can disable him, you can disable the army!"

"If you haven't noticed, there are three 20-foot robots and a horde of laser beaming tin-cans." yells Robin. "I can't take on Gizmo without being fried or stepped on. I'm Robin, and don't want to be Ribbon!"

"I think I can distract some of the small bots." volunteered Starfire.

"I can help that way too." agreed Bumblebee.

"Raven, take on Mammoth, Cyborg, take out Jinx. I'll try and stop Gizmo." agreed Robin, and they went to action.

The small bots had trouble hitting airborne targets, as their build restricted such movements. Stings and bolts came hurtling down upon them, but they were sturdily built and there were many.

Cyborg couldn't charge up his sonic cannon in time, so decided to take on the robot's weakest points, but Jinx's fury made her reactions quicker and more erratic than he had expected. He was sent bumping along the ground.

Robin was held off by more small bots, so Gizmo was undisturbed. Raven did multiple blasts on Mammoth but they had little effect. Mammoth sent a lounge through the air and successfully trapped her in the toilet.

She groaned "I can't think what's worse… being stuck in a toilet during battle, or that someone didn't flush properly…"

…

Meanwhile, the kids were taken a safe distance from the battle. Aqualad rushed back, Mas and Menos overtook. Speedy was on his way when he spotted a familiar face…

('_Bold and the Beautiful'_ music)

"Sarah?" he says.

"Oh, Speedy I'm so sorry." says a girl in a wheelchair.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I thought" she sniffed, "If you saw me, like this, you wouldn't think I was beautiful or as fantastic as you thought I was… I dumped you so you'd never know, and would still think that I was the same as when we met." and she sobbed.

"I wouldn't ever think that!" he says kneeling. A large explosion occurs overhead.

"But your so fast, cool and famous!" she continued. "I can't go anywhere without having to be cool as well."

"It's my fault Sarah!" he says.

"No it's not!" she says, almost falling out of her chair. "I dumped you! It was me who got this stupid disease…"

"It was my disease that caused this! My vanity, my arrogance and this mask!" he yells. Sarah stopped crying and saw he was serious. He composed himself. "No matter what happens today, or yesterday, or the days tomorrow, I will always feel the same for you."

Sarah cried then embraced him.

"Was that Speedy's girlfriend?" says Aqualad with a small tear. "The one he was firing arrows at?"

"Non." says Menos.

"Numero tres." says Mas.

…

Mammoth and Raven continue to exchange attacks. Raven hitting but doing little. The continual attack wrecking her concentration, but Mammoth's attacks being far from swift or accurate. The Tower is being torn to pieces.

Cyborg manages to get to Bee and Starfire. Robin soon joins them as he is gracefully thrown by Jinx.

"I couldn't get to Gizmo." says Robin.

"But Gizmo can get to you!" says the maniac and stepped on the rubble they were hiding behind. "These new suits I have specially designed are quite resistant to your puny weapons! Even those smaller bots have some of the same armour! We cannot lose!"

Mammoth and Jinx were just about to leap at them when Mas and Menos showed up to trip them. Aqualad and Speedy also arrived but dived for cover as the small bots fired.

"You're too late titans!" calls Jinx. "The bomb is set and ready on voice-activation."

"Kablooie!" laughs Mammoth.

"Not so fast!" yells Cyborg as he threw up his sonic cannon, but no blast came out, just noise. Everyone covered their ears.

"Activate the bomb already!" yells Jinx through her COM link.

"I can't, the sound is blocking my voice!" yells Gizmo.

Robin motions to Starfire and she understands. A Starbolt flies over the small bots and they are distracted, allowing Robin to activate the shield generator around the tower.

"Even if they do activate the bomb." says Starfire, "The blast will be confined to our force-field."

"I'd prefer it if we were outside of it." remarks Raven.

"I don't think the blast will be enough to cause too much damage." says Robin. "I mean, those three are inside as well."

"As well as inside their suits."

"Do you want your CD or not!"

Raven kept silent, and then asks. "Where is it?"

Robin looks around and sees it, just as Mammoth steps on it.

"Um. Do you really want to know?" says Robin.

"I think she knows already." says Bee as Raven began igniting in black flames.

…

By now, the elevator was completely out of order, and many areas were now open air quarters.

"Force-field huh!" laughs Gizmo. "Time to bypass your system! Hahaha!"

"As far as evil remarks are concerned, that was pretty bad." says Jinx. Mammoth nods.

"Take out the Cyborg!" yells Gizmo and Mammoth promptly kicked him away, stopping his super Sonics. Jinx kept the others in check.

The blue shield switched itself off, and then flickered back on as Aqualad stuck a broken electrical cable into a gap in Gizmo's robot.

"Have a try of our cable! Of course; we'll have to charge!" says Aqualad, gripping to the robot.

As Gizmo sat getting shocked he presses a button on his panel which sounded his voice over his speakers.

"Strawberries!" he yells aloud and the bomb detonated, sending orange smoke everywhere, but stopped by the shield.

Jinx sent Aqualad and the cable flying away. "Strawberries?" she says.

"I like strawberries." moans Gizmo.

Soon, the effects of the gas were becoming known…

Protected in their suits, the three villains watched as the others began to hallucinate.

"AAArgh!" yells Bee as she glanced at Mas and Menos (Who were busy putting out various fires). Instead of the two small Spanish kids, they appeared with heads of Green and Blue eyeballs.

"AAA" says Blueeyeball

"EEE" says Greeneye as they saw Bumblebee, now known as Cyclops.

"III" cried Starfire as she saw Raven's face, or at least, where it used to be.

"OOO" says Mammoth rubbing his hands together, thoroughly enjoying the show. Though he himself could not see what each titan looked like under the gas, the confusion was obvious.

"Eeww" says Robin as he saw Cyborg's face (Which I will not describe).

"Man! You all look like you've gone whacko! What happened?"

"Apparently" says Squidlips, "The gas has made our vision demented, warping the view of our faces, Isn't that right ape person."

"It's me…" replied Apeface

"Oh! Sorry Robin."

"Why didn't someone bring out the gas masks?" says Cyclops, rolling her one eye.

Blueeye and Greeneye held up some melted plastic.

Fishface stared at Fatso. "Hey… Speedy! Did you know that your face is…"

"I know" replied Fatso.

"But just look at that double chin…!"

"I know!"

"In fact it's a quadruple…"

"I KNOW!"

"Aren't you effected by the gas?" says Squidlips to Cyborg.

"Optional nasal entry!" he replied tapping his nose. "Sort of like a pool filter. Hey! In fact I think it is a pool filter!"

"Nooo!" yells Gizmo in dismay. "That darn force field stopped the gas from spreading all over the city, and it's dissipating already! Ohhh!"

"At least we ruined Valentine's day for the Titans though!" laughed Jinx, who was pleased with the results.

"What do you mean by that?" yells Apeface.

"Can't you see?" laughed Gizmo, "Your warped perspectives now drastically hinder your attractions to one another. Hahaha! And the concentration of the gas in the shield may make the hallucinogen permanent!" he cackled over the speaker. "Thanks to these suits and glass cockpits (which nullifies the hallucination by the way!), we appear and see normal."

"Ha!" says Cyborg. "Don't you think we'll find a cure?"

"Sorry Gear-loose! I myself have tried fusing an antidote! There IS NO CURE! Hahaha!"

"Scary faces or no scary faces," says Apeface, leaping out. "You're going down now!"

However, the small bots had other ideas and they were ducking for cover again.

"The only way to defeat those robots is through a massed air assault." says Squid lips. But Raven was still in a state of transfixed anger. "With Raven out of action, you and I will have to work 1 ½ times harder." she says to Cyclops.

"Lets go the whole way and make it 2" Cyclops agreed, and they both went to the air.

Fishface used a mirror to help reflect some lasers while Apeface, Cyborg, Fatso, Blueeye and Greeneye went for the three villains.

Cyborg managed to dodge Gizmo's swipes and cracked the casing of his cockpit, causing the last remnants of the gas to effect him.

"Nooo" cried the Fly face. "Look what you've done!" as he looked in his rear view mirror.

"Serves you right Fly!" says Apeface as he kicked him out of the seat. Cyborg finished the robot by blasting it inside out. However, the small bots continue to rampage.

"I thought you says the robots would stop!" says Apeface, stepping on Flyface.

"You fools!" laughs the fly. "That was merely an activator! They have their own programming! Hahaha!" Apeface gives him a nuggie. "Owowow!"

"Looks like we'll have to shut them down the old fashioned way!" says Cyborg and blasts his sonic-cannon.

Blueeye and Greeneye help to keep Mammoth busy, but a few small bots blast open some doors and run down to the garage.

"Get those bots you two!" yells Cyborg. "Their going for the vehicles! Don't let them trash my car!"

"Tengo ententido!" they says and zoomed down.

But the Small bots had already begun their rampage, tearing apart the R-cycle, imploding the T-sub and were just about to hit Cyborg's car when the Eyeballs went hurtling in a tornado at them, wrecking the car in the process.

A warning beep sounds from the wreck and fades…

"NOOOOOOO!" cries Cyborg.

"Ilo siento!" mumbles Greeneye

"Sorry!" mumbles Blueeye

Fatso's arrows had little effect on Jinx and he was hit by a table and almost fell out of the window. It was at that moment he saw Sarah again, their eyes met with concern, and he realised what he now must do. A sacrifice for the greater good. Getting up he ran to Fishface.

"Cover me as I get to the east wing!" says Fatso to Fishface.

"What for?" he replied, deflecting a laser into a small bot's cannon, causing it to implode.

"It's time… for the cupid suit…"

…

Mammoth leapt over to help Fly and knocked Cyborg to completely decimate a wall. Cyclops immediately went to his side. Jinx wasn't that pleased.

"Are you alright Cy?" Cyclops asked.

"Yeah I'm okay!" he says.

"NOT FOR LONG!" yells Jinx as she surrounded herself with purple energy, destroying the suit around her.

"Oh, oh!" says Cyborg.

"Look sister! Just you stay away from him!" says Cyclops, pointing her stingers.

"Why you boy stealing hornet!" she retorted, pointing her fingers.

"Shark face!"

"Cyclops!" she retorts, then pauses. "Do I really look like a shark?"

"Probably just the gas, but it could be just you!"

All was set for a major standoff.

"Good grief!" says Cyborg, pulling himself (literarily) together. "My Valentine wasn't that bad was it?"

"What are you talking about?" replied Cyclops, "It was really nice!"

"He's not talking to you! He's talking to me!" says Jinx. Then turning to Cyborg, "Don't you mean her?"

"No, no, no!" says Cyborg. "I never sent any Valentine to Bee, I sent one to you!"

Jinx blushed and Cyclops looked puzzled.

"What do you think I was trying to write when I was outside your shack!"

"It wasn't just a shack! It was our home!" says Mammoth, squeezing some eyeballs.

"You stay out of this." rasped Jinx, then looking again to Cyborg. "How do I know this isn't any cheap trick?"

"C'mon! Look, Fly! Hey Fly!" called Cyborg to Flyface.

"What is it?" moans Flyface, being pinned by Apeface.

"You saw me writing a letter didn't you?"

"Just a sec!" says Fly as he looked at his wrist communicator. "Rewind to 8:34 Am." he says and his hologram projector showed Cyborg indeed writing a Valentine outside their door. "Yep, he's right!"

"Hey! How did you get that footage?"

"There's a bug on your shoulder… oops!!!"

Cyborg wasn't that amused and squished it. A small bot explodes from a starbolt; Squidlips is having a hard time fighting while everyone else is distracted. "Earthlings really do have strange customs when in battle!" she says.

"But what about this letter?" says Cyclops holding the valentine.

"That's the one meant for Jinx!" exclaimed Cyborg.

"Give me Thaat!" says Jinx, snatching and reading. "Oooh! That's so nice Cyborg!"

"Hey!" says Apeface, "What have I told you about conversing with the evil villains?"

"C'mon King Kong!" replied Cyborg blushing, "It's valentine's day for crying out loud! How did you get this letter anyway Cyclops… I mean Bee?"

"Who cares!" Stamped Mammoth, and soon the fight began again, but with Cyclops a little embarrassed and left out, Flyface tied up, Cyborg judging how far the letter would have to travel and Jinx busy writing a reply Valentine.

Squidlips was hit by two lasers and she fell, being caught by Apeface just as the remaining 30 or so small bots fired where she would have landed. The red paper of the decorations erupting in flame.

"Talk about heartburn!" Apeface gimmicks.

Mammoth started to use a large beam of wood to pummel the Eyeballs, slam Cyclops and knock Cyborg into the ground for the rest of the fight.

"Ha! Maybe I should take up Golf after all!" Mammoth bellows.

Fishface arrives on the scene and dives to help Cyclops and the Eyeballs, while a new shadow emerged, winged, graceful and fat. Cupid had arrived. The small bots looked up and saw a new doom…

"Prepare to be love struck!" cried the fat avenger and arrows were sent showering into the turrets of his foes, One by one they exploded as the winged blimp soared around, evading their shots with comparative ease. Soon the valentine was victorious upon the mountain of trash.

"I'm never wearing this again!"

Meanwhile, Mammoth succeeded in cornering the well battered heroes and was about to strike them when there was a great cry…

"IAM DECAPITATED!" cried Headless in a fury of black and purple. They had forgotten her.

"What do you want?" says Mammoth mockingly, knowing that her blasts did little before.

"HEADLESS CHICKENS!" she screamed and a stupendous force of energy sent Mammoth's robot out into the air in several hundred pieces, followed closely by a very dazed Mammoth.

"That's my cue to leave" says Jinx, strapping on a jet pack. "See ya later!" and she flew off, leaving a Valentine for Cyborg.

Grabbing Fly and rescuing Mammoth, she soared off like an overweight fly, bobbing in the to the sunset.

"It's a good thing I'm not a skinny lightweight, or else this would be REALLY difficult!"

…

Cyborg read the letter and stored it in his chest plate as the titans says farewell to the kids.

"We're sorry that this had to happen. " says Squidlips.

"Today didn't really go as expected…" says Apeface apologizing.

"Are you kidding!" says one of the kids. "That was sooo cool!" and they all agreed and applauded and cheered. There were several cheers for Raven's act and her spectacular finale.

Headless smiled and bowed.

"Still disappointed about your Headless Chickens?" asked Fishface.

"Infuriated!" replied Headless. "But I think this is a lot better than some sick guys screaming their heads off…"

…

Back in the tower Cyborg tries frantically to search for an antidote…

"Any luck?" asks Cyclops blinking.

"Nope." says Cyborg drearily. "I'm beginning to think Gizmo was right!" he sighed.

"Don't say that! Out of anyone in the tower, I have a lot of respect for you. You're the king of cybernetics and master of electrical appliances. You're an amazing hero of…"

"If you're trying to say sorry for getting this whole Valentines thing mixed up, I'm okay with that. It's all sorted out. Besides, those were really good waffles!"

"You're pretty devastated by the smashed garage aren't you?"

"YE-E-E-ESSS" he cries.

"Don't worry; Fixit's already working on it! It will be back to its old self again, and so will you!" Cyclops smiles and closes the door, still wondering if she really does like Cyborg.

…

"So, we may be like this forever." pointed out Squidlips to Apeface.

"Oh, it may not be that bad…" he replied, observing Blueeye and Greeneye scaring each other.

"R…Robin…"

"Yeh?"

"Do you still like me, even when I look like this?" with a small tear.

"Starfire! I don't think you've got the message!" he says assuring. "It is because it's what's inside of us that real love and friendships are, not from the appearances. Appearances can be deceptive to what things really are inside. But I know who you really are Starfire…"

"Who?" she says hopefully.

"… err… um, my friend. my very good friend! An especially good friend" he says sweating.

Squidlips knew what he was trying to say and got such a boost from it she hiccupped. and before she could say _"I like you too"_ she was Starfire again.

"Hey! Hic! My lips… hic… are back to normal! Hic!" she jumped.

"They are? Err… hiccup… err hic? Oh heck! Buuurp!" and soon Apeface was Robin once more.

…

The screen goes to a decimated tower in the sunset with cries of "I'm cured! I'm cured!" and "Buuurp!" and then one voice, in all the joy, finally asking that begging question that probably has been bugging you readers… Where's Beast Boy?

…

In the dark caverns a green chicken crosses floor…

"…To get to the other side!" it laughed as it morphed back into Beast Boy, tears streaming out.

There was no return laughter, just silence.

"We'll it's getting late and all. But I'll come back some time when I have some more jokes… I know it may seem stupid, me coming back here when you may not even know… I'm… here… but in case you do, and you're always waiting for someone, it's good to have some company… heheh… heh." and he wiped some small tears away.

"But don't you worry! Even though it's a rocky road, a muddy pit, a toilsome mountain! I'm not afraid to say what I feel! I'll find a cure for you! Be sure of that! I'll even take on Slade by myself if I have to! Dead serious! I'm not trying to crack you up!" he yells to his single audience.

"Get it? Crack… you… up. Ahem… Well, happy Valentines day. I'll be back soon! Don't you worry. See ya!" he says, and went out, not transforming as to wave farewell as Beast Boy, not an animal.

and it may have been a trick of light, or maybe something more, but if you looked at that statue of Terra hard enough you may have seen, for the split second it lasted… a small tear… and a smile…

…

Sunset scene with Robin and Starfire on a hill…

"You know Star." says Robin. "Maybe it would have been better if that gas had spread through the city."

"Do you think it would have made everyone look at their relationships more closely and cherish them with more value?"

"Yeah… and just imagine the whole city burping as one!"


	2. An Old Joke

**Reminder: Takes place after Terra was petrified and before the fight with Trigon**

"Man this place is wasted!" exclaimed Cyborg the next morning, surveying the wreck of the tower after Valentine's Day. "This is going to really cramp our style!"

"At least it's still standing!" pointed out Starfire. The East wing promptly collapses.

"Tu estas loco un elephante!" yelled Mas from the rubble

"Yo no un rhinoceros!" whined Menos

"Stop whining and get off!" yelled Bumblebee, popping from under the twins.

"Boy that was close." said Aqualad, clinging to what was left of the tower.

…

"It looks as though the repairs will take a few months…" said Robin, putting the phone down. "Fixit may be able to speed it up, but he's still repairing our outer defenses, which he's best at."

"How many months is that exactly?" asked Speedy, resting on his favorite chair, now a stool. Robin handed him a small pieces of paper. "WHAT!!! The East Tower would be fixed before THAT!"

A large green gorilla plops down some crates filled with the Titan's equipment. Beast Boy transforms back to his regular self. "I leave for one day and the entire house falls down! Wow!"

"If you we're here it may not have ended so badly!" commented Robin.

"Hey! You're the one who gave me permission to leave!" he defended. "Besides, I think a short change in scenery will be good! I like change!" and he turns into a Pterodactyl and glides down with a crate.

"So where are you guys heading for while the repairs go on?" asked Speedy. "We we're thinking of Gotham New Mexico. Some say they reported seeing Mumbo loose there."

Mas and Menos walk in with maracas and sombreros. "Ole!"

"As well as a Taco fest!" he adds.

"With Gizmo, Jinx and Mammoth still here, we'll probably stay nearby. It's going to be difficult. The last fight caught us off guard. I hardly have any salvageable equipment." says Robin, packing the remainder of his stuff.

"I don't think they'll be in a hurry!" remarks Cyborg, "Not after THAT battle!"

"I just received word that the mansion is ready!" says Starfire, flying in through the wrecked wall.

"Oooh! A Mansion!" exclaims Bumblebee. "That should be good!"

"Not if its Mad Mod's old house it isn't!" says Raven.

"Mad Mod?" said Speedy surprised. "Why do you want to stay there?"

"The thing is," said Robin, "the building is a local treasure with great historical value, so they want to sell it as it is without arcading the place. But there aren't too many buyers since Mad Mod because of its criminal affiliation, so we decided to stay there to reassure people it is okay to buy!"

"It's going to be spiffing! Eh! What!" laughed Beast Boy.

"I wish the bat-phone wasn't out of order…" said Robin.

"Why's that?"

"In case Batman ever needed help, or we needed help from him, the phone would be our main communication with him. But now it's destroyed."

"He'll read it in the newspaper! Can't you just phone him by his phone number or something?"

"Using that method is too risky for our identities. I'm just concerned if he needs help… But I'm sure he's okay."

"Hmm, what about us?"

…

A gloved hand raps along the arm of a chair. A flash of lightning… A slumped man sits, shrouded in darkness that is of his own. Holding the newspaper up his hand circles in red an article, _'The Big Deal Casino's 50th anniversary'_. Thunder strikes overhead…

…

"I can't believe this!" cries Cyborg walking out of his room in the mansion. "There's like only ten sockets in this entire house! And NO INTERNET!"

"We'll just have to survive on the bear necessities" says a Beastboy, transforming into a bear for a second. "Fridge, microwave, heater, air-conditioner, stereo, T.V…"

"Actually." says Robin from below. "We have to use this old gas stove, and no frozen foods because we have no fridge yet! We have to open the windows for air-conditioning and have to light the fireplace for heat!"

"AAArgh!" yells Beastboy.

"I can't live like this!" moans Cyborg. "This is like… like the stone-age! I can't survive without technology! Literarily!"

"I see you're enjoying yourself!" says Raven with a candle.

"Egad! Where did you come from?" cries Beast Boy.

"I think I like this place." she says, looking down the dark, dark hallway. Thunder strikes and the wind blows open the windows.

"Egad! Where did you come from?" cries Beast Boy and then looks around. "Egad! Where did she go?"

…

Robin and Starfire sit in the kitchen, looking at the architecture.

"Don't you think this is a good rest from work Robin?" asks Starfire, feeding Silkie some mash.

"I would like it more if this wasn't Mad Mod's house." replies Robin grimacing.

"You should try to be glad the R-cycle is salvageable." comments Starfire, pulling out the spoon from Silkie. "In fact we should be appreciative that we received so few injuries!"

"Yeah," agrees Robin, "I'm also glad the Government's willing to pay for the repairs… then again we do save the place a few times!" and they smile.

"This should be a time to relax, "says Starfire. "With Gizmo, Jinx and Mammoth recovering and most of the villains behind bars it should be quite quiet now."

"There's still Slade though!" remarks Robin and starts to act drearily again. "But you're right!" he agrees, "I shouldn't be so obsessed with it. But I'll still have my eyes and ears open for any news."

Starfire nods solemnly, remembering their last deadly clash with the arch-villain.

There is a ring at the door and Cyborg swings in with a stack of Pizzas.

"At least the outside world is still dependable!" he smiles and picks his extra cheesy pizza. "Unlike these dim lights and rusty windows and low circuitry and bad sewage and…"

"I think we'll avoid such topics while eating." says Starfire, taking a bite out of her sweet, sour, bitter everything pizza.

"But this place is driving me insane!" says Cyborg with cheese hanging from his mouth. "It's so… so… uncivilized!" and gulps down the rest of the pizza. "Technology is the foundation of our civilization! We can't LIVE without it! This place is like a zombie! The living dead!"

"That puts an interesting perspective on antiquity!" remarks Raven from the shadows.

"STOP DOING THAT!" says Cyborg, spooked as everyone else.

"Sorry for living!" she says and her hand drags a pizza into the darkness, followed by a slow chewing sound and, "Mmmm, pineapple."

"I'm really starting to get scared!" says Robin nervously and Starfire raps his hand with a spoon. "Ouch! I'm relaxed! I'm relaxed!"

"I think this _place _is far scarier than her though!" says Beastboy, arriving for his pizza. Thunder rolls on and the lights go out. "I reserve the bathroom!" says Beastboy and his footsteps, quick and nimble, head up and slams the door.

The lights come back on though and everyone sighs some relief.

"I can't believe we we're scared by a blackout!" says Cyborg laughing. "After all the dangers we've been thr…" and the phone rings suddenly. "Aaeeii!" and he jumps into Raven's arms.

"Great! Pizza and a really frightened really heavy Cyborg on me!" she mumbles.

"You should never pick up a phone on a scary stormy night!" says Beastboy from the lavatory. "It could be electricity or a serial killer or something!"

"Mind your own business!" says Raven wiping pizza off herself.

"Mind MY business? Oh…. I see what you mean!" and there's a flush.

Robin uses a scanner on the phone. "Nope, no surge! It's safe to pick up." and he warily puts it to his ear. "Oh! Hello Bee!" he says, and the others sigh in relief (including Beastboy) "You've located Mumbo…? That's great…! Keep in touch…! Right…! Goodbye and good luck!" and he puts down the phone.

"I'm glad we don't have anything to chase!" sighs Starfire.

"Not yet anyway!" says Raven cautioning.

…

A shadowy figure heads off, it's deed done, into the dark rain.

…

"You know." says Beastboy, resting in a comfy armchair the next day. "I could really turn to like this. It isn't new or too fashionable, but it has certain…"

"Oldness? Decrepit-ness? Antique value?" asks Cyborg.

"No. More like a feeling of upper class and richness." he then runs upstairs.

"I like it because it's dark, so big it mortifies you to your being and the shadows really work well here for spooking people!" says Raven.

"That's because there's hardly any electricity!" says Cyborg.

"This old fashioned stove really adds a certain flavor to the food!" says Starfire, munching at some pastries.

"To each their own!" says Cyborg. "But 'burnt' is not a particular flavor I like (unless it's waffles! I can eat any waffles!)" He mumbles.

"Burnt? I like burnt! What's wrong with burnt?"

"I really like this barrister!" says Robin, sliding down by his feet. "A few ropes hanging round and this place would make a neat Gym!"

"I wouldn't be surprised if rope is the only thing holding this place up!" moans Cyborg.

"Socks up everyone! Everything must be kept in tip-top condition! Spiffing eh!" says Beastboy in an English accent while wearing an old bed gown and monocle. Everyone laughs (except Cyborg who crosses his arms in the corner.)

"I think someone isn't to happy." notes Raven.

"I'm going down to fix my car." sulks Cyborg. "Do you need help with the R-cycle Robin?"

"Yeah. I'll be down… after some of these pies!" he says sniffing the air.

"Help yourself!" says Starfire.

"Don't mind if I do old girl!" says Beastboy.

"I'm NOT old!"

"Mmmm! Pineapple!" says Raven still in the dark, and they all dig in while Cyborg frowns and heads downstairs.

He promptly heads back up and takes a specially made waffle before disappearing again.

…

"Why am I acting like this?" thought Cyborg to himself. Never in his life had he felt quite so insecure and threatened, not even in the realm that contained Raven's father, nor the demented worlds of Mad Mod or Control Freak. This was something different.

And there he sat and worked, surrounded by his multitude of equipment supported by his own electrical generator. Circuits with lights were stuck to the walls of the old basement, for no apparent reason other than to look more like home…

…

The silent humming of the generator and the calm lights drifted away. Cyborg, or at least, a boy walks along in his everyday life; playing basketball with friends, listening to Rap, eating junk food and looking at cars. But from the ground spurt great technological towers, the sky turns dark, only to be lit by many veins of wires and electrical signals. He tries to run, but is caught, engulfed by a robotic hand…

…

Cyborg awakes startled as Robin taps his shoulder. Consequently, a sonic cannon is pointed and Robin plugs it with a waffle.

"Blast and the waffle dies too!" he says. "Look's like you we're having nightmare! Chill-out!"

"Sorry Rob!" says Cyborg, relieved the nightmare was over and munching the waffle. "I had this weird dream again!"

"If it was the one where our garage blows up, don't worry, it already happened!"

"No, not that one!"

"A giant waffle eats you?"

"Not that one either…"

"You mean the one where we lose your car?"

"No! And don't get me started on that! It's the one where I'm… normal again, and when my own hand tries to crush me!"

Robin looks concerned. "I think you need to take a break from repair work!" says Robin.

"Nah! I've got my battery, tools and a door right next to the kitchen! I'll be fine!"

"But you're not; and that's undeniable. Nightmares can be a sign of stress and fatigue. Go rest then do some training. Take a break."

"Hey! I said I'm OK!" says Cyborg, getting annoyed. "Are you saying training AGAIN, AGAIN and AGAIN is going to help?"

"I said rest first! And stay away from this place for a while! That's an order!" yells Robin. They both stand off.

"Who wants the last pancake?" calls Beastboy from above, "I'm so full I can't eat another bite." which is followed by a roar of a lion and a huge African belch.

"And you say I'm scary?" says Raven.

"Are you two okay down there?" calls Starfire. "I thought I heard arguing! '_Stressful'_ arguing!"

Robin and Cyborg break stance.

"Sorry Cyborg, but I'll have to insist you take a break…" says Robin calmly.

"Yeah. Sorry…" admits Cyborg. "This place is just giving me the creeps!" he shudders.

"It'll be over before you know it. It's stopped raining, so why not take a walk or drive away from here for a while. Just treat this like a holiday. A nice, S-O-O-T-H-I-N-G and C-A-L-M-I-N-G holiday." he says out loud upstairs.

"V-E-R-Y G-O-O-D." says Starfire from above.

Cyborg and Robin shake on it and race to get the last pancake.

"Well, well!" says Raven, looking out the window. "The weather seems to be improving!"

…

A few hours later rain is pelting hard. Cyborg looks drearily outside, fumbling with a sub-charge relay optimizer with enhanced laser range.

"I think you should go and put on the video games BB." says Robin, seemingly reading a book. Starfire peers at him suspiciously, but does not see the power disk he is mending in the pages.

"Good timing Robin! Spiderman just finished on TV. Only news on now!" he grins. "Hey Cy! Help me beat you in 'Race Racer' and join in!"

Cyborg smiles at the mention of a video game. "You're beyond help my little green friend! Prepare to eat my 2D digital dust!" and he jumps to the couch.

Starfire looks towards Raven's room (The one with five padlocks and three NO ENTRY signs). "Don't you think Raven has been up there for a long time?" she asks Robin.

"She's just meditating, controlling her powers… you know that." he says, almost dropping the energy disk from the book.

"Yeah…" says Starfire, becoming more wary of Robin's 'reading'. "But don't you think she's spending a lot more time than usual lately. It seems after each battle we fight, she has to meditate more and more…" she says as she tries to peer at what Robin is doing.

"I guess she has to when she uses more energy…" he replies, keeping the book away.

"Still, I'm very concerned. For it has been two days since we battled and she has been up there as like we just fought today! I hope she's alright." and she quickly flies above Robin and seizes the book, revealing the several energy disks he was working on. "I thought as much!" she frowns. Robin smiles innocently and shrugs.

"I was wondering how long it would take!" says Cyborg. He and Beastboy both playing 'corners' on the sofa.

The phone rings.

"That might be Bee." says Starfire, swatting Robin lightly with the book.

"Giving us a buzz is she?" says Beastboy, who gets a controller in his mouth.

Robin gets up and does a double summersault to the phone and picks it up.

"Hello?" he says without a loss of breath.

…

Starfire knew at once something wasn't right.

Not only did she see that Robin was extremely tense and angry, she also saw, despite his masking that he was sweating, his fist trembling in wrath and fear. His hair seemed to raise up in warning and his muscles in his arms flexed in heat. She could not hear the voice, but she heard the distinct thud of the receiver on the other end. Robin darted for the TV.

"Robin?" she finally asks.

"Get off you two!" orders Robin in a very serious tone.

"But we only just got on!" points out Beastboy, not wary to the gravity of Robin's voice.

"Besides, you told us to!" says Cyborg, not that willing to part.

"I said; get off." he says again and swiftly throws both of them off with strength hardly imaginable and turns the TV to the news.

Cyborg and Beastboy are about to yell when a harsh crackle comes over the television. The screen turns fuzzy and lasts what seems hours… then there was a face.

…

Even for Starfire, who had never seen this man before, knew who he was immediately from the grave descriptions Robin had given her. Beastboy backed off a bit from the glaring hate filled eyes and even Cyborg couldn't hold back a brief glance of horror of the notorious face. Only Robin seemed to keep his cool, his stern face looking at the foe, knowing full well that fear was the greatest weapon of this nemesis, and he should not give in…

The pale deathlike skin, the shocking green hair, the menacing eyes, and above all, the hideous smile made the television seem like a portal to the underworld. The Joker had his will…

Holding a microphone, the thief, the madman and the murderer stood in one form and cackled in a toneless voice. A laugh more gruesome than death's scream comes echoing on. Then he speaks.

"_Tonight... At precisely 12 midnight I will kill John Starington and steal the Crystal Card of the Big Deal Casino. Do not try to stop me! The Joker has spoken!"_ and the screen returns to a distressed news crew trying to get a hold of what just happened.

Raven appears, spurred on by the silence of her friends and the terrible laugh. They all stand and stare at Robin. Robin turns off the TV.

"We have work to do…"

…

John Starington, a rather porky, balding man in spectacles, moves uneasily in his multi-million dollar vault. Each policeman is checked for disguise and posted at every entrance, vent and upon the roof of the casino. The titans surround the intended victim.

"You've got to protect me!" whines Starington. Wiping his sweat with a silk tissue. "I'm going to be killed! Robbed!"

"Calm down Mr. Starington." says Starfire warily. "We're doing the best we can…"

"But is that enough!" he panics. He coughs and wheezes. "I can't die! I'm too rich! Can one of you police dress up as a decoy? Are you sure the place is secure enough? "

"You've got to be kidding!" says Cyborg, "Even I wouldn't be able to break in here with all these lasers, Uzis and security passes, unless of course I blow it up or somth… ouch!" and he receives a kick from Starfire.

"If the Joker is around, we'll know." says Raven, from a walkie-talkie. "There's enough police, robots, scanners and me to invade a city!"

"Hey Rob!" says BeastBoy, "What we're those pills for?"

"They were anti-toxins." says Robin, checking out the security system. "Nerve toxins are the Joker's prime sign… those pills will provide temporary immunity… for a few of his many poisons." he says drearily.

"You mean he has more than one?" yells Starington frantically. He erupts into a coughing fit (which happens to be over Robin) and reaches to his pocket, but steadies himself as the fit subsides. "Can't you seem just a little concerned? Huh? What's wrong with you people!" he says, grabbing Robin. "I'm going to die! Die! Somebody do something!"

"We are doing something!" yells Robin. "There's no reason to hold back any truth sir, but we really have done all we can." says Robin with a hint of annoyance and anger. "But may I say that I'm more preoccupied and concerned with capturing this violent madman before any other innocent people are put on his hit-list, rather than trying to protect a sniveling coward of a man like you!"

Starington whimpers as he lets go and he sits down. Everyone stares at Robin who looks calmly at his watch. 11:37pm.

"I have to say I disapprove with your methods young man!" says the police chief, Sid, his white moustache twitching and his rather large waist sweating marks. "I know you have more experience with this criminal, but that is no way to treat Mr. Starington!"

"He's right Robin!" says Starfire, trying to comfort the distraught Starington.

Robin sighs and turns around. "I'm really sorry sir. I was just… annoyed for a while." He looks at his watch. "11:39pm, 21 minutes until it happens."

"_Happens_? Now look here!" says the rather puffed police chief.

"He just needs some fresh air." says Cyborg as he helps Robin out.

"We'll be back in two minutes!" says Beastboy as he helps Cyborg.

Starington cringes when the doors open. Starfire looks anxious.

…

"What in the world just happened?" yells Cyborg to Robin. "This man is facing a gruesome death!"

"I KNOW!" yells Robin, "I understand! I understand more than anyone else! Just let me do my job! Everything's under control…"

"Not until you get your fuse under control!" says Cyborg pinning him to a wall. "Just calm down!"

"You guys just don't understand! This guy is a different villain! He's not like Slade, Brother Blood or any other enemy we've faced! He'll kill for the sake of killing even when he doesn't feel like it! He'll attack anyone who even looks like they have a normal life! Hundreds have died for no reason other than living. He has no motive, and even when he has one they are only sense to his own twisted mind!"

"Yelling at the guy isn't going to do much…" says Beastboy feebly between the raging half-machine and the karate expert.

"Fear is the Joker's weapon! I've seen many people die because they just couldn't pull themselves together, some even cause the death of those around them."

"Starington is in no position to do anything like that." says Cyborg easing his temper, releasing Robin from the wall. "There's no bomb or toxins in his body that could be used that I analyzed Robin. He's just a very scared man that needs our help."

Robin knew Cyborg was right. But the emergence of the Joker had got him high strung… something that could endanger their mission and must be kept secret if he is to get a chance to strike the clown. He was also very stubborn; not being adjusted to taking orders. 11:45pm. Time to wait.

…

The minutes tolled slowly and Starington sat nervously, wheezing slightly, as a cordon of police is formed around him. Raven keeps a tight watch over the building. Cyborg monitors incoming and passing vehicles. Beastboy keeps an eye on the security cameras. Robin keeps an eye on Starington and Starfire keeps an eye on Robin.

…

"How's the security over there?" says Cyborg through an intercom.

"Everything's fine!" replies a policeman. "The card is safely away with four bots watching it and more than enough armed guards around it."

"No tunneling or vent-rats?"

"Scanners say normal."

"Good. Call if anything as much as a mole starts digging. Over."

"Why is it called the crystal card?" says Starfire to Starington. (11:52pm.) trying to ease the atmosphere.

"I… It's a card. One of the very first cards the casino got. We decided to preserve them by encasing them in diamonds." says Starington, trying not to seem scared for Robin's sake. "A very expensive and consuming work and this is the only one that succeeded. But its worth is almost as great as the casino itself! Ironically, it was the Ace of Diamonds!"

"It was a good idea to have you in a separate building to the Card." adds Beastboy. "The Joker will have a hard time trying to get you and the Crystal Card in the same attack!"

"Keep watching." says Robin sternly, and Beastboy hurriedly continues to watch the screens.

11:54pm

Starfire feared, for she was always worried that Robin may revert back to his darker side, like when he went under the wing of Slade. Robin was a great leader, but sometimes his determination and will becomes his greatest weakness; making him rash and vulnerable to anger. The hate of the Joker was stirring this, and she feared.

11:56pm

Starington calls his agent and makes sure his will is in order as well as some discreet funeral requests. His breath was becoming rapid and dangerous to his health, and Beastboy nudges Cyborg. Cyborg takes note but assures him that the toxin level is nil. Starington was a critical rate asthmatic.

11:58pm

Robin paces around, making frequent checks on all security. His seemingly calm exterior was betrayed by a single bead of sweat upon his forehead. Starfire got her starbolts ready and Cyborg charged his armaments. Beastboy is wary. Starington starts to wheeze badly, but only from the tension. Robin re-checks the toxin levels to make quadruple sure, but finds nothing.

One minute slides by…

The bell tolls…

As the ringing starts, Starington presses his chest and coughs badly. The Titans move uneasily.

"I'm… cough… I'm fine, really! Cough! Just a touch of asthma." he says, starting to re-catch his breath. The titans become a little more relieved. The fourth strike heralds.

"It's almost over…" says the police chief in a whisper, but in the silence everyone hears it. The sixth strike…

Robin takes one small glance at the computer screen, and then sees it, at the corner of his eye… Starington!

Reaching into his pocket, Starington pulls out an asthma inhaler and before Robin can react, the button is pressed.

Eighth strike…

Starington keels over in great agony as he chokes. The police quickly lie him down and Robin rushes to administer additional antidote pills. Such a dose was lethal, but might save him from the deadlier toxins from the Joker.

Tenth…

Starington breathes his last. The titans are awe struck and Robin thumps the ground…

It is done.

…

"Get out of the room Starfire… you too Beastboy." says Robin, trying to hold back the anger.

"B…but what?" starts Starfire, but the police help her out.

Beast boy is more reluctant but gets a serious nod from the Police chief then follows out. Cyborg looks at the face transfixed. A transformation…

The eyes turn white, which is not unusual during death, but then the eyebrows turn down, as if in anger. Hardly a minute after his death, Starington starts to grin, then smile, and then his lips turn crimson as they stretch to a hideous and grim mask of death… death from the Joker.

Cyborg looks away. Robin packs his antidotes. The police cover the body.

Robin turns on the television. It is the Joker on all stations.

"_John Starington is dead as I vowed, and the Crystal card is now in my possession. May the Teen Titans heed this as a warning and to anyone who dares stand in my way! The Joker has spoken."_ then the regular program starts.

"Well Cyborg?" says Robin.

"The transmission was difficult to trace. Unfortunately, the address that was given is this…" he says then shows him a piece of paper.

"_Ha!″_

"He said he had the Card?"says the Chief with his hat off. "Do you think…?"

"Yes sir." says Robin. "Most likely the card in the safe is a fake. He stole the card earlier, probably during its public display during the casino's 50th anniversary yesterday. He also went to Starington's house and switched his inhaler…"

"What if Starington had used the inhaler before the time he said?" asks Cyborg.

"It was probably a time release toxin. Specifically to release at midnight tonight. This is probably why we couldn't trace it when we scanned his inhaler." and Robin curses under his breath and slams his fists on the vault wall. "I should have remembered!"

"Diabolical!" says the chief.

Even as they speak, the police look at the 'Crystal Card' in the safe. It is a Joker…

…

Robin sleeps uneasily for the remainder of the night. Knowing full well that somewhere near or even in the city, there was a murderer on the loose. Today… the Joker wins hands down…


	3. Hollow victory, hollow laugh

Xiang Tang 9/4/04

Hollow Victory, hollow laugh

…

In the Titan 'Mansion', Robin was looking hard over case files of the Joker. Starfire sat next to him to constantly remind him of the consequences of his last obsession with Slade. Sometimes you do learn from the past.

"So these are the men hired by the Joker?" asked Starfire.

"Very likely. They have been hired before. It's just a hunch, but they all have recently escaped from prison." said Robin looking at some photos. "The twins, Tweedle-dop and Tweedle-dap, are the Joker's more dependable muscle, but he would have probably recruited other thugs from around here as well. Low class thieves and gangs. Scientist Fred Giggles is also missing. He was convicted of major computer crimes, espionage and illegal arms shipping and was hired by the Joker because of his expertise, as well as his name. He probably also has the _Pepperoni's_, the seven killer mimes, experts with firearms and notorious gangsters."

"Why do these men and the Joker have white faces?" asked Starfire, looking at the mimes.

"The Joker got his from a chemical accident. The Pepperonis just wear it for show. White faces usually resemble that of skulls or corpses. Naturally, the Joker has his on permanently."

The phone rang…

Robin signalled to Cyborg.

"It's from the police station." replied Cyborg, sitting in front of a large tracking studio.

Robin answered. "Hello… Chief? Yeah… I know. Thankyou." and he put the phone down.

"Still no word from Batman?" asked Cyborg.

"None. And the situation in Gotham is getting worse…" said Robin, very concerned, "I hope he's okay… We could really use his advice…"

"His help would be good too." added Cyborg.

"We all need his help…"

…

Meanwhile, in the forgotten arcades of the city, a well furnished room was set up for the high crime lords of the city, criminals who used bribery and blackmail to remain untouchable from the authorities. Men like Bigger Alby…

Bigger was the head of a good part of these gangsters; and horded over much of the drug trafficking in the large city. Lack of evidence and shrewd deals keeping him out of reach from even the Titans. To aid in his façade, he never went out much and rarely saw anyone. But today was different… today he had guests… today he was catering… the Joker…

This would be considered a suicidal move by many a villain, even for the big shots like Two-face and the Penguin, meeting the Joker was an incredible risk. But Bigger was relatively new to the game, being merely a copy-cat criminal, relying on shrewd lawyers and his large inheritance to secure an empire. He also needed to gain the Joker's trust if he were to enlist his aid…

Walking in like a phantom, a tall purple clad man walked in. His lankiness and height amplified by his semi-sticklike way of moving made a sickly impersonation of a walking corpse. Taking his hat off, a Joker card slipped to the floor. He smiled (which did not change his face much) and bowed. Following in were indeed, Tweedle-dap and Tweedle-dop, as well as three weird characters in the form of Mimes.

The pepperoni's once used to wear face paint, and black and white as homage to their mime origins. But now they had a new style, a Joker style, a style that suited the whims of their homicidal boss and his tendencies to randomly shoot, push, throttle or gas people. Though their uniforms were still Black and White striped, they wore masks in the likeness of the joker himself, with red circle cheeks and black eyes… terrifying black glass eyes.

Bigger twitched… then began…

"Welcome my good…"

"_**HAHAHAAHAHAHAA!" **_

Bigger kept his cool and stayed the urge to wet himself. His guards moved uneasily, but Bigger remained calm… as much as he could.

"I'm most terribly sorry my dear host!" said the Joker mockingly, wiping the tears, eyeing Bigger's apparent struggle to run or call out guns. "But I thought you just said the word (that corrupt term) 'good' for a brief moment, and you were going to refer the inapt title to me, myself! How deludingly funny indeed!" he laughed.

Bigger (Being a rather wide man) wore on a few coats of anti-perspirant, but even that couldn't hide his trembling. His lawyers whispered to his ears and Bigger cleared his throat.

"Sorry my… dear Joker. It was a small mistake…"

"Are you saying I'm not good then?" asked the Joker walking forward.

"Well, err… yes… err… I mean no!" and Bigger looked to his guards. They nod; the Joker had no guns or gas grenades. Bigger's men had pistols ready.

"Are you insinuating I'm of _NO_ good at all?"

"Err… no?"

The Joker slapped him on the face. The lawyers held back Bigger's security. Bigger wiped his sore cheek.

"You are wrong little Bigger. Absolutely incorrect!" he preached his insanity "I am of_ NO_ good whatsoever, not because I am useless, but because I am of no _GOOD _use to anyone, unless, that is of course, it, that usefulness, happens to be bad. Is that clear?"

"Err… Yes?"

The Joker slapped him on the face. The lawyers held back Bigger's security. Bigger wiped his sore cheek.

"Wait a second…" the Joker paused, putting his hand to his mouth. "Oh! I'm terribly sorry! I thought you said 'no'." and he laughed deeply "Please accept my most humble apologies!" and he bowed again.

"D…Don't mention it!" said Bigger smiling. He was playing it carefully, not wanting to infuriate the Joker or put down his confidence. Having the Joker on his side could mean complete control of all the criminal syndicates in the city. This deal was too good to put down.

"Here!" announced the Joker, pulling out a cigar box. "Let us forget the regrettable incident with a good old fashioned mobster cigar!" and he smiled wickedly. "My treat!"

"Why thankyou!" smiled Bigger enthusiastically, being rather fond of Danish Cigars. He grabbed one greedily with his chubby fingers without hesitation. A lawyer quickly advised him and his skin tone paled a few levels. "Um… I-if you don't mind…" he said, gesturing to the cigars.

"Of course not!" said the Joker, picking up a cigar himself. "I understand your reasoning quite perfectly. Exploding cigars are one of my most charming gags." and he lighted it.

The lawyer whispered to Bigger again.

"Just as a precaution you understand." said Bigger as he politely switches the cigar with the Joker.

"This one or that one. It doesn't matter to me!" and he laughed.

This doesn't comfort Bigger, and he just put out the cigar, and lodged it in his pocket. The Joker did likewise.

"You know Bigger." said the Joker casually. "I'm not really such a bad fellow. Just greatly misunderstood for my great talent. What talent do you ask? Why, my _greatest gift_, my ability to take simple ideas and turn them and twist them to my cunning devices! Turning a boring situation to an exhilarating thrill of death. A rare and beautiful gift that you un-talented peasants refer to as; _madness_."

A lawyer whispered to Bigger.

"Now, Joker, enough pleasantries…" he began in a stern tone.

"Yes! Yes! Quite so! Too true!" said the Joker. "You're in a great hurry to move on! Blast away!"

"Um… Yes. As you know, I have called you here for a business proposition. I see that you plan big things for this city, big things that have interested myself." and he started to act with a little more confidence. Meanwhile, the Joker played with a Yo-yo. "I propose that we form a little secret partnership, 'scratching each other's back' as they say. You continue on your plans, and I aid you with my local know-how and financial aid. What do you say?"

The Joker put his yo-yo away and puts up his hand. "I think Bigger, that you have said too much. Presuming that I would act as a_ lackey_ to a person as yourself. I am a master criminal, not some paid thug to work in some network." Said the Joker with a mock look of sadness. "In fact you've injured my pride so much, I don't want to see your face ever again." and abruptly held up an electric detonator and exploded Bigger's cigar.

There was a blast and half of Bigger fell with his chair.

The lawyers backed away in fear and Bigger's men, after overcoming the initial shock, pointed their guns at the Joker, who slipped on a gas mask.

"One shot and you'll all end up looking like myself." he sneered. "Which isn't really such a bad thing once you think about it!" he added in a laugh.

The Pepperonis revealed gas explosives, disguised as their pot bellies, their masks doubling as gas-masks. The group that formerly worked for Bigger dropped their guns. The lawyers were cringing. The Tweedle twins laughed at their prisoners, but soon realise they had forgotten to put on their own gas masks and quickly fumble them on. The Joker turned to the lawyers.

"Bigger was an immense fool. An immensely fat fool. An immensely fat, rich fool. No doubt you are his hired brains and he is the muscle. Now that your muscle is gone, you are merely brains wriggling on the floor. That is one reason why I chose Bigger as my target rather than one of the more savvy bosses around here. In fact, even if Bigger had a brain of his own, I would have shot his brains out as soon as I saw him. Now get thee gone before I blow his brains out! Shoo! Run away you poor little brains run! Hahaha." and he chased the lawyers out of the room. They obliged by running for their lives.

The Joker's henchmen picked up the guns and placed them on the table. The Joker stealthily picked one.

"Now for you lot!" said the Joker, turning to the guards. "Bigger isn't even half the man he used to be. Now you are all employed by me and you won't find me ungrateful. Anyone I have killed or just dismissed; their pay will be added to your salary or luncheon vouchers, whatever 'legs' over there gave you."

This made some of the guards rather pleased (those of which weren't petrified).

"Now!" said the Joker, strolling past the line up. "Who is the leader of this lot?" he asked facing the guards.

"M…Me." replied one of the guards, feebly lifting a hand. The Joker turned, looked at him and shot him in the head.

"That was rather stupid. He completely disregarded my warning and did exactly what smaller Bigger did. Tut, tut!" and he looked sorrowfully at the corpse. "Now!" he continued, strolling past the slightly shorter line up. "Who is the leader of this Mob?"

"Err… you sir." said one. The Joker slapped him with the gun.

"Another mistake. Never answer my questions! I always answer my own questions myself!" and he gave a sinister, blood chilling stare to them all. The guards backed down. "Very good, you're learning. Call the other's Dop, we have a new home warming to do." and his laughter trailed through the halls of his newly 'inherited' ha-hacienda.

…

"How are the vehicles going Cy?" asked Robin, looking at his gradually repairing R-cycle.

Cyborg popped out from under his T-Car and wiped sweat of his greasy soot coated brow. "The T-car is almost fixed. Most parts are easily replaced by the confiscated stuff. Your cycle is taking a bit more time while we get the right equipment. The T-sub over at the tower hasn't been touched since we left, so we won't have that for a while."

"The Joker certainly arrived at a bad time." said Beastboy, helping out by polishing the body plates.

"Not for him though." replied Robin. "It's going to be a tough time here."

"Robin! He's on the phone!" called out a distressed Starfire from the living room. Robin and Beastboy darted up. Cyborg monitored the call on his tracer.

Starfire (looking rather pale) handed the phone to Robin.

"What do you want Joker?" he asked grimly.

"_What? Is that how you talk to an old friend?"_ laughed the Joker.

"Don't aggravate me. Just say what you wanted to tell me."

"_That's what I like most about you Robin. You're much like your buddy Bat-brains. Always getting to the point!"_

"…"

"_I just wanted to be absolutely sure you were tuned in with my next bite out of Jump City. If I we're you, I'd tune in to channel 2, or 4… or any other channel in fact! Hahahaha_…" and the Joker slammed the phone.

"Cyborg…?" asked Robin through a head-set.

"No good." sighed Cyborg sorrowfully at the tracking station. "Antarctica this time…"

Beastboy switched on the television and after a brief view of Bugs Bunny, the Joker appeared.

"_I interrupt your daily brain-scrambling to bring you this bulletin." _laughs the evil clown._ "I noticed upon my new taking of residence here, that I was not given an appropriate welcome that demands my upmost reputation. So tonight in exactly one hour, I will kill the immigration head, Henry Buttersworth. The Joker has spoken!"_ and an anvil falls on Elma Fudd.

They all rushed into action, first getting the address from the police and packing their gear. "Well?" asks Robin hopefully, while packing three of his remaining energy disks.

"Sorry. He's a crafty one." sighed Cyborg, outwitted again. "He seems to have turned the complete opposite direction. Arctic Circle. The north pole!"

…

Dozens of Police Robots and policemen surrounded the humble abode of Henry Buttersworth, five year widower, father of three, and grandfather of seven, expected to become eight in a month's time.

He was scanned, checked for suspicious devices and his house searched and scanned from each crack and tuft of grass as soon as the Titans arrived. Each policeman was once again checked for disguise. Beastboy had a fun time pulling at the chief's moustache to make double sure.

Buttersworth sat wearily at the head of his small dining table. Portraits of his loved ones on the mantelpiece and drawings from his grandchildren posted on his fridge. A picture of his late wife displayed in honour on the wall. Starfire felt certain that if anything were to happen to this man, the regret would echo to these lives and many more. She would never forgive herself if she failed. Her determination rose. The same feeling reflected on all the others. No more so on Buttersworth himself.

"How long since…?" asked Buttersworth, sitting calmly.

"It's been forty minutes." said the chief, looking at his watch. "We made good time. The house is scanned and completely searched. It's good."

Robin looked out the window, surveying the police robots' continual march and the policemen's surveying and double searching. Beastboy also searched around as a squirrel, getting to places that were otherwise inaccessible.

Cyborg once again got his station ready. Raven stands near Buttersworth (which did not ease him much). Starfire came down after making a quick aerial survey.

"The skies are clear. Have all the surrounding houses been checked?" asked Starfire to the chief.

"As best and as far as we could allowing our time." he huffed. "But at least two police and one robot are in each house in this block. So I'm a bit more relieved."

"Starfire." called Robin, and Starfire heads over to see what he wants.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes, I am prepared." she said confidently.

"What did he say?"

"He just told me how that at least two police and…"

Robin looked at her seriously "I was talking about the Joker…"

"Oh…" said Starfire, looking a bit worried at Robin's questions. "He didn't say anything actually. He just laughed."

"And that's why you were frightened?" asked Robin.

"Yes."

She lied. Robin knew she lied, and in her heart she knew he knew, and Robin could see that she noticed her failure to conceal it… but now was not the time to interrogate further.

"It was just frightening to hear it." she continued. "I was not really expecting it, but I will be alright now. I am ready to stand up to him."

"If you don't think you're prepared for this, then you should really stay back at the Mansion." said Robin solemnly. "People who aren't prepared for the Joker often don't last that long. You have to be in top condition and at the peak of your ability to face him. Even Batman has had difficulty when the Joker is at the top of his fury. He is considered one of the most dangerous men in the world. I won't let anyone risk their lives if they are not prepared. Is that understood?"

"Yes, I understand…" said Starfire. Back at the Mansion, the Joker did laugh to her, but also gave her a warning… that if she had any 'attachments' to Robin, she should severe them immediately. _The bird is going to be pecked off the branch_, as the Joker put it. She knew what the Joker meant, and she knew what the Joker intended to do if he ever caught Robin.

This… she could not allow.

…

"You're very calm despite all this." said Raven to Buttersworth, trying to ease the atmosphere. "You must have nerves of steel."

"Not steel as much as just plain oldness." he replied shaking his head. "I'm a long tracker, and I've done a good two decades over half a century. I'll be going soon. I just hope it's not tonight… at least not the way that fiend wants it. Many fond memories, a good family life. A splendid way to live my days. Mind you, I'd prefer to live." and he chuckled.

Raven smiled and went to the shadows. "I envy you…" said Raven under her breath and to herself, her face toneless and void.

The minutes slid by…

Robin continued to stay near the window, but just out of sight from the outside. Beastboy remained elusive. Cyborg kept at his station, but that didn't stop him from loading his sonic cannon. Starfire looked at the portraits and wondered what her family would be like in a few years, then remembering her duty and concentrated on protecting Buttersworth.

The chief conversed with one of the police bots, then came to the titans.

"IG88 over there says it may be best to open the windows around the place," he said, "in case gas is used. He calculated it is a distinct possibility from analysing past murders."

"It also leaves the place more vulnerable." pointed Raven.

"Thought of that." exclaimed the chief. "Men are posted at each window, and all possible points of missile entry are guarded extra careful."

"I still don't think…" began Raven.

"Let him do it." says Robin and the dispute is settled. The windows are opened.

Buttersworth began to pray. Cyborg put his scanners on full-time. Starfire snuck away and sticked to the roof. Raven hides in the shadows. Robin still sat at the window.

"Ten… nine… eight" counted Buttersworth, looking at the chief's watch. "Seven… six… five…"

All is tense.

"Four… three… two… one…"

Robin flicked out an energy disk through the window. The disk soared and hits a robot square in the chest, knocking its gun out of it's hand. The police and robots rush in to investigate. Robin leapt out towards the robot. Everyone else follows in while Buttersworth sighs in some relief and the chief goes outside to see what happened.

Under Robin's orders, the injured robot is arrested. The police all come round to see the commotion while the other robots lined up. After quickly tapping all the robots, Robin sees the captured robot and unmasked it. It is the hideous face of the Joker.

"Very good Boy Blunder." said the prince of knaves. "A great credit to your detective skills. Not even with my scanner nullifiers was I safe from your eyes for disguise. I suppose you figured the pattern early on?"

"Opening the windows was a dead giveaway at the end though Joker. Did you think I was an idiot?" said Robin, hardly smiling, but glad the criminal was apprehended. "But, yes I did see the similarity from your first attack…"

"What similarity?" remarked the chief.

"The Joker's very first murder." said Robin. "When the Joker murdered Henry Claridge and stole the Claridge diamond when he first came to the scene. He used a similar attack on Starington. He stole the diamond, planted the poison, then predicted the theft and murder to everyone, a theft that had already been done, and a murder that was imminent. The time of the death was also the same; twelve midnight."

"But what about this attack?" asked Cyborg.

"The time he said was one hour. That was the exact time he said he would kill his second victim in his second theft, Jay Wilde and to steal the Ronker's Ruby. In that murder, he dressed up in a display suite of armour to murder Wilde while in his house. I thought he might try to copy this, and the robots are the closest thing to empty cases of armour around here!"

"Wonderful deductions!" exclaimed the chief.

"What a happy occasion!" laughed the Joker. "I'd really hate to spoil everything now!" and he smiles evilly.

"You are finished Joker!" said Starfire. "You are caught, outnumbered and out matched, like a Zarkgig against a lamput."

"Like me in this tin suit…" said the Joker. "Things are not all what they seem! Ha-ha!"

And in a flash the Joker's handcuffs are released… by the police. The Joker shook his hands in triumph.

Before Robin, Starfire or Cyborg could react, guns were pointed at them as well as five or six policemen. A whole troop of disloyal police stood at the Joker's command.

"It's amazing how much corruption is in your city." mocked the Joker, shedding his robot outfit. "Bigger really had a good run around here. Did you think I would be this careless? Tut-tut!"

"This is preposterous!" cried the chief. "Robot troop 9! Help us!" he called to the robot troop.

"Pity I couldn't bribe the robots…" said the Joker. "They could have been the undoing of my plan… but unfortunately, I'm a-_head_ of them!" and he pressed a button on his robot mask and each of the robot's heads popped out like a Jack in the Box, complete with spring and little puppet hands.

"Butterworth has escaped!" yelled a bribed policeman. "That Raven girl has also disappeared!" but little did he know just how well Raven could blend to the shadows. She waited patiently in a shadowy corner with Butterworth for a more opportune moment to strike.

"Find them you dolts!" yelled the Joker, picking up his rifle. "If I can't kill him in five minutes my prediction is worthless, and I'll have to use this dart on someone else!"

"You won't win Joker…" said Robin with his hands up.

"Ha!" laughed the Joker, bemused. "What are you going to do? Fly away?" he giggled. "For a hero who names himself after a bird, I'd think flying would be a pre-requisite! Or perhaps it's because you eat worms!"

"I didn't think people ate worms here?" commented Starfire.

"Oh, you soon will be!" laughed the Joker. "When your six feet underground!"

"That 'fly' isn't the one that I'm counting on Joker." smiled Robin, and if to answer his call, a small blow-fly appears.

The Joker seemed amused at the coincidence, and it is only on further thinking does he realise the significance.

Beastboy transforms back to himself while over the group of bad police and quickly turns into a Gorilla, sitting on a few.

The Joker points his gun but it is quickly kicked by Robin, sending the dart into a tree.

"Curses!" sneered the Joker, and his men begin to feel the wrath of their former 'friends', a green gorilla as well as a display of Starfire's starbolts. "I'm not finished yet!" the maniac yelled and he runs to the road. A car driven by the pepperonis arrive.

"I have him!" said Cyborg, bounding after the fleeing murderer, but he is met by a hail of bullets from the Uzis of the Pepperonis. Bouncing harmlessly off his cybernetics, a few find a mark on his arm as well as one grazing his unprotected skull, sending him to the ground. Robin was about to throw an energy disk when he heard cries of help from Buttersworth.

Starfire left Beastboy to take care of the police while she blasted towards the getaway car, sending the bad guys on their way and away from Cyborg.

…

Robin leapt into the house to see two dazed pepperonis and one mad scientist confronting Raven. The scientist wore a white trench-coat over brown pants supported by braces and had a withered, worn face and goggles. His hair was like that of a circus clown.

Professor Giggles.

"Hey!" Robin yelled, holding up an energy disk, but he is ruthlessly tackled by the hefty Tweedle-dop, his energy disks falling to the floor. As Raven prepared to blast Giggles, the scientist shoots a beam of black energy from a weird gun strapped to his back, engulfing Raven in a state of paralysis while still in mid-air.

"Perfect!" exclaimed Giggles and he moved out of the house with Raven, towing her by the beam of the gun.

Robin smacked the thug on the ear-holes, releasing him from his grip. Kicking like a donkey he sent him into a coat stand. But the pepperonis stood ready and with pistols aimed, making Robin freeze.

Tweedle-dop moaned as he got up and hurried off to the second getaway car behind the pepperonis and left them to it. Unable to reach his energy disks, Robin prepared to dodge bullets.

However, Starfire saw this and two lasers came through the open door and both mimes act in agony, their guns falling to the floor. They make a hasty retreat from the fury of Robin.

Robin would have chased them down right into the car, if the pepperonis didn't have a sniper gun. And the pepperonis would have gotten him if he hadn't tripped over the form of Buttersworth. The car zoomed off in a cloud of black smoke before the police could arrive.

…

Robin checked Buttersworth's pulse. He was alive! Probably just knocked out by one of Tweedle-dop's tackles.

Starfire came rushing in. "Are you okay? Is he alive?" she asked.

"Yes…" said Robin in a low tone, despite the news.

"Y-you don't sound…"

"You didn't chase him…"

"Cyborg was injured. I couldn't…"

"You had time to blast those two gunmen…"

"I saved your life!"

"You have just ENDANGERED the entire city!" yelled Robin almost head-butting Starfire as he got up. "With the Joker STILL out there is no telling WHAT he may do, WHEN he may do it, WHO it will be! And now THEY have Raven!" his voice was like thunder and his eyes were cold.

"R-raven?" said Starfire, completely crushed by Robin's words.

Robin took control of his anger and calmed a bit. He rubbed his bruised shoulder and picked up his energy disks. "Go and help Cyborg…"

"T…The ambulance is already picking him up…" she said, holding back her sorrow.

"Then follow it!" he barked, still annoyed. Starfire tried to speak but flies out and began to pour out tears.

…

The police helped Buttersworth to his bed, Beastboy went back to the Mansion to try and trace Raven. Robin slammed his fist onto the table…

…

Raven looked around herself as Giggles took her to his underground lab. Placing her in black half-sphere shell he released the beam. The shell immediately slammed shut.

Raven did not wait idly. From outside the shell, though you couldn't see inside, you could hear the high powered blasts from Raven hitting the shell, but to no avail. The Joker strode in…

"Ah! Sir. Everything is secure!" said Giggles happily. The Joker was not amused.

"You bungling Baboon!" he yelled. "You captured the wrong person! And not only that! You DIDN'T kill Buttersworth!" he picked the gangly old man by his coat.

"B…But… " he stammered. "If **I** killed him your prediction of killing him yourself would be false and you would have killed me for it!" he gasped.

The Joker pondered for a moment then released him to the floor with a nod. "Oh yes, quite right. I forgot!" he said calmly. When Giggles recovered himself the Joker picked him up again and yelled But it is still is the wrong girl!" he screamed.

Giggles started sweating. "But you just said capture the girl, so I captured a girl. It's a simple mistake!"

"It is NOT a simple mistake my goggle eyed friend! I clearly said THE girl! Not A girl! Good grief! I didn't even know the Raven was a girl until today!" he paraded.

"I heard that smiley!" came the muffled voice of Raven from inside the sphere.

"For a prisoner you're very rude to your host!" exclaimed the Joker smiling.

"You failed to kill your victim!" she said calmly. "And you also lost some men too. I would say that is a victory for us."

"A hollow victory child. A mere setback to my plan. Look where you are! Trapped in a… a… umm… " he said with teeth clenched. "What exactly _is_ THAT contraption…?" asked the Joker to Giggles, tapping his foot.

"Oh… it's my new high density prison cage." he said, picking his breath. "No corners to provide shelter or comfort or direction, solid enough to withstand most medium and even some large blasts and yet is able to filter oxygen and carbon dioxide to inhabit breathing."

"And what about a toilet!" exclaimed the Joker. "Remember the problems we had last time you made a prison!"

"Ah! The sphere is made of energy and can shape shift. It only expands twice a day to include that table next to it, which can be laden with some food, or the lavatory. Once for eating, and once for, err, business."

"Very good!" clapped the Joker. "And what about the torture? I won't have _my_ evil prison being a second rate evil prison!"

"You could put in scorpions, snakes, um… water…"

"The prisoner has to be ALIVE!" said the Joker rolling his eyes. "And when was the last time someone drowned in 'um'?"

"You could fill the water only half way!"

"As far as torture goes it's damp, and as far as the Joker theme goes it's soggy!" he exclaimed waving his hands. He paced up and down, picking his nose for ideas. "Aha! I have an idea!" smiled the Joker, flicking a small nugget out, and his eyes became black slits. He pulled out a little red siren.

"Oho! Marvellous suggestion sir! Just like those exploding cigars and time release poisons you suggested!" said Giggles, trying to appease the maniac.

"Whatever it is," said Raven determined, "I won't say a word!"

"We don't need any of YOUR information!" sneered Giggles. "I am the greatest hacker in the world! There is little I don't already know about your little band. You can't even trace us here thanks to MY genius!"

The Joker abruptly held a smiling fish to Giggle's head. Giggles started to plead. "Sorry sir! I was being dishonest sir! It's all YOUR brilliant plan sir! Please don't do it sir! You can't…"

"Don't be preposterous Giggles! Of course I can!" he laughed with fish at the ready. But the Joker took pity (or rather finds he may need the man's help later) and put the fish back in his trouser. "Don't start monologing again though Giggles! That's my job! Or else you'll find you're happier dead than alive!"

"Thankyou sir!" said Giggles, but with one hand clenched behind his back.

"And now for you my dear girl!" snapped the Joker menacingly. "How do you suppose I'll start the torture eh? I'll give you a clue! It isn't deadly!"

"Well that cuts the list down…" said Raven, rolling her eyes.

"Haha! You have courage as well as whit! Well 1 out of 2 isn't that bad!" he mused. He placed the siren on the sphere and it stuck on. "This little device is a sample of my own glorious voice in it's finest, on a continuos loop for your benefit!" he rasped in his smile. The siren activated and the laughter echoed inside the chamber. Raven flinches and covered her hears as the bursts of laughter range from eerily quiet to unbearably loud.

The maniac laughed "Thanks to Goggles over here, the sound only travels through into the sphere, rather than out here! Marvellous for destroying concentration which I hear you find essential to your daily well being. Boo-hoo!!" he sobbed which turned into a hideous cackle. He began to strut out, followed by Giggles. "Heh-heh! I remember it worked wonders on those monks at the monastery I visited. And remember if you need anything, just give us a crow! Ha! _'Give us a CROW'_! HAHAHAA! _CROW_! HAHAHAHAHAA!_ RAVE_-ON! HAHAHAA"

Raven tried her best to concentrate, but it was too much. Minutes passed like days. The encroaching mockery and terrible voice racked her mind. There she sat helpless and terrified, unable to steady her mind on the brink of insanity.

She needed to meditate to control her powers… but with the laughter, it was next to impossible…

Soon, the shadows crept around her… six yellow eyes glowed in the darkness…

Raven whispered in half anger and pure terror... "Trigon..."


End file.
